I needed one last physical to officially be a part of the University of Central Florida’s football team.

I trained my ass off that summer.

I'm talking two-a-days, a few sleepless nights, and deep-diving into every sports training book I could find.

I sacrificed a lot and it was all worth it when I saw my name on the door.

My next step was passing a physical from the team doctor at Jewett Orthopedic. 

I was kind of nervous because two years prior I had a lot of pain in my right shoulder after one of my high school practices and it got better over the year but definitely didn’t feel like it was 100%.

Despite the aches, I could still train through it and it damn sure wasn’t going to stop me from giving my dream a shot. 

"Congrats on making the team,” the doctor said walking in.

“Let's check some things out.”

The doctor did his normal routine.

He went over my blood work, checked my blood pressure, and checked the strength in my joints.

He had me hold my arm straight out in front of me as he pressed down on my forearm. The point was for me to fight this downward resistance but the grimace on my face gave notion to the pain I had been dealing with for the last two years.

This pain landed me on the MRI scanner. 

A week later, I was back in his office waiting for the news. 

He walked in with my MRI in his hand.

Deep down I had an idea that something could be wrong.

My shoulder started bothering me during my senior year of high school. The athletic trainer advised I get an MRI that same week. But after doing it, it showed nothing was wrong. They told me to ice and rest.

And now I was back at another medical office assuming the same news.

The doctor sat down and told me, "Josh it looks like you have a torn labrum."

"Really?”

“What type of exercises do you think I need to do to get better?" I responded.

His tone suddenly changed, "Well none...until you have surgery to repair it."

"Could I just play without having surgery?" I asked.

With a remorseful tone he replied, "No, we couldn't have you out there with this type of injury."

The Worst Day of My Life

I remember sitting there for a few seconds thinking of what to say back to him. All I could muster up was two letters…”ok.”

I worked all summer and gave up everything to make this happen.

When I got back to my car I sat there thinking for a few minutes.

I was in a bad place.

It reminded me of when my mom passed away.

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to come back from this—especially since I only had one year of eligibility left after this surgery.

It was a tough pill to swallow.

A couple of days later, one of the coaches called me while I was in the kitchen and told me I would have to try out again next year to be on the team.

Imagine someone handing you a plate of delicious food and then quickly ripping it from your hands and telling you “never mind you can’t eat that.”

I wanted to break every dish in the cabinet.

The Day of Surgery

I anxiously sat in the waiting room; leg bouncing up and down—palms sweaty.

This was the first time I ever had to go under anesthesia. I was freaked out inside but my pride wouldn’t let me show it…so I kept it together—as best as I could.

I woke up after what seemed like a full day, feeling like my stomach was upside down.

The surgery went well but after not eating for so long my stomach didn’t want anything in it—but I was so hungry.

It felt like I had food poisoning.

However, I started to feel better the next day.

The crazy part is I actually felt like I didn’t even have surgery. My shoulder felt better and I could move it without much pain, but it didn’t feel as stable as it should.

I knew it needed some work.

I was majoring in Physical Therapy so I thought I had a good understanding of what things I needed to do.

The next few weeks were rocky and I felt defeated most of the time.

All the things I could once do was a challenge. It’s not that it was painful but rather I was just so weak.

It was like I was starting back at square one.

I had to go through this process of getting strong and getting back into shape which I knew was going to be hell especially since I worked so hard the last time.

After a few months of doing my rehab exercises, I was ready to get back to working out. I wouldn’t say I felt 100% but I was better than before.

That same week, I met two guys (Nick & Nate) who were training for tryouts as well.

We decided to spend the next couple of months working out together.

I was motivated on another level!

I read more exercise books those few months of training again for tryouts than I ever did in my life.

We implemented all the new techniques we were learning and I could see all of us getting better and growing.

I wanted to prove to myself I could make the team…again!

TRY OUTS

I was feeling lean and fast during my tryouts.

I actually felt better than I did last year. I knew this was my time.

That defensive back position should have already been mine in the first place.

I was filled with anguish going through the drills.

I shouldn’t even have to be doing this stuff.

I already made the team last year.

Nonetheless, I gave it my all.

They told us they would post the names of those who made the team a few days later.

That was the longest weekend of my life.

Did I Make It?

As I was walking up to the side of the door, I thought about when the doctor told me I had to have surgery.

I could see myself crying in the car thinking I’ll never be able to play again.

That day crushed me but I made it back to this point; hopefully the start to something I can be proud of.

I turned the corner and took a few more steps so I could see the small print on the piece of paper.

Joshua Jensen…

…there it was.

I did it again!

I made the team and felt on top of the world, but it was bittersweet.

I didn’t see Nick or Nate.

We got in the best shape of our lives training together but I made it and they didn’t.

That shit sucked.

Was It All Worth It?

To finally be a part of the team was incomprehensible; I couldn’t fathom the words to describe it.

This was what I worked—nearly 3 years—for.

Making the team was great but other areas of my life started suffering.

Every morning I was waking up at 4:30am to be ready for practice and I would start class around 12pm and then finish work at 11pm.

I started to fall asleep in class and kept making mistakes at work.

I was trying to work for as long as I could because I knew I wouldn’t be able to support myself without the little bit of income I had coming in.

But it was nearly impossible to work, play ball, and do well in school.

So I quit my job a week later and took out a few loans.

I was all in!

The intensity of the workouts were on another level. Practices were extremely challenging; my body was breaking down.

I jumped in the cold tub every day to survive.

It felt like the strength coaches’ goal were to make us quit. They weren’t pushing the traveling team like this but all of the underclassmen and walk-ons were getting the brink of it.

I felt my shoulder every workout and an aching pain started to creep down to my low back as it made its way to my foot.

Every practice we had to pick up our clean clothes from the equipment staff and the equipment manager always made me feel like I was a burden.

I don’t know why he had a problem with me.

I later realized walk-ons aren’t shit until you prove yourself worthy.

The season already started so not only did I have to deal with all of this but I also didn’t have a chance to even compete for playing time.

I vividly remember trying to make a play on Breshad Perriman (now a NFL star with the Bucs) and getting yelled at.

“Just be there but don’t touch the ball,” the defensive coach shouted at me.

A Surprise Note

After practice, I found a note in my locker stating I needed to go see one of the team’s academic advisors.

I had about a 3.6 GPA and actually made the academic accolades for the team—why does she need to talk to me?

When I walked into her office, she told me she had some bad news for me.

“Looks like your eligibility to play ran out.”

“Huh?” I responded. “I thought this was my last year to play.”

She informed me that my clock started when I started school as a full-time student—which was my first year in college.

She told me I could stay on the team if I wanted to.

“You have to be fucking kidding me!” I thought.

I asked her if I could think about it tonight.

I went home that day thinking about all the time and effort I put into football.

It was something that I loved but I had no shot to ever really play now and I was starting to resent even being on the team.

Was this a waste of time?

I was banged up and putting my body and mind through so much for what?

Harder Than I Thought

After leaving the team, my life drastically changed.

I struggled to figure out who I was.

I spent the last 8 years of my life attempting to play college football and hopefully make it to the NFL and this new reality was hard to face.

My entire life was about sports.

Sports kept me out of trouble, gave me hope when I lived in a homeless shelter, and helped me get through my mom’s passing.

When football stopped, I stopped; everything stopped.

Workouts, good nutrition, my happiness, and even socializing with friends.

I started to question if I wanted to finish school.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.

Six months went by and all I did was watch movies, sleep, go to school, and come back home to watch more movies.

What’s Next For Me?

It was 6 months after leaving the team and I was a shell of myself.

I let myself gain over 10 pounds and I stopped all forms of exercise—I stopped caring.

Kim—my now fiance— walked into our apartment and saw me sitting down stuffing my face with popcorn, watching one of The Avengers movies.

That day she said something to me that I’ll never forget.

““You’re sitting here down over something you can’t control. Your life is more than just football. You have a purpose.”

It took me a few days to truly engulf that statement because I didn’t want to hear it but it was the truth I needed.

I didn't know what I was meant to do or be after football was out of the question.

I was in the process of going to school to be a Physical Therapist but was unsure if that would be my route.

The one thing I did know, was that I never wanted someone else to feel like I did for the past six months.

Just Move & Everything Else Will Work Itself Out

A few days later I started taking daily walks thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.

A week later, I started working out again. 

During one of my workouts with a friend, I had an epiphany.

It wasn't just football that gave me a jolt of energy and passion.

It was the ability to build myself up, learn, and grow that gave me true euphoria.

Working out made me feel successful and more like myself.

I won something much more important that day than earning a playing spot on the football team.

I found out what my life needed.

It wasn't only football that made me happy, it was taking care of my body, my mental health, and even helping people feel the same way I felt.

I got the same feelings I did when I was playing!

My best times weren’t playing on the team but training with Nick & Nate and us all getting closer to a goal we wanted SO BAD.

I had my fire.

Deep down, I was a coach.

I wanted to help people feel amazing.

I wanted to help people get out of their heads and find a way to do something significant in their life.

I could encourage and coach people through some of the stuff I dealt with.

I look back to when I was sitting on that couch not caring about what I ate or how I felt and I'm embarrassed to even talk about it.

I had no drive; no purpose for waking up. 

It wasn't who I was.

Once I gained power over my life and health again, things started to become clear.

I had to stop sitting in my sorrows and letting negativity cloud my mind.

We were all made to live a life full of abundance and that's not only financially but that's mentally and most importantly, physically. 

Finding out I couldn’t play college football stopped me dead in my tracks for six months. But it also cultivated a passion to really show up for myself and find out what gives my life meaning.